a breath of fresh air

My dad, sister and I spent Boxing Day at Lake Louise. Oh, how I love that place!

Writers block...

I think I officially have writers block!

This last week was really rough. I feel the weight of others' emotions and pain this time of year. Over and over I have had conversations where people need a chance to vent, cry, yell, laugh or be silent. What a blessing to come alongside others--no matter where they are in life. I love love love to share life with others!

Because I am now so tired... I am finding that I have entered "vacation mode" a little early this year. Today I don't want to write papers anymore. It is almost as though my subconscious is protesting as I try to make myself sit down in front of my computer and type. I just can't do it! Maybe it's the blank word document staring me in the face, or maybe it's the lack of knowledge I have... whatever it is, I think it is going to be a LONG night.

A little over a week ago I went to the Morton Arboretum. I think that today I'd like to be here:

homemade...

So, I have been in a "phase" for a while now where I like to make things myself. This week's attempt... LAUNDRY SOAP!! It's actually pretty simple... just borax, soda, soap and water. I made half of what I was supposed to, and still ended up with more than a gallon. The best part is that it cost me about $2 instead of $10! Woo hoo!!!

Life of a pilgrim--learning to trust

"The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future. Why? Because God has signaled the movement and offered it his presence and promise." - Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust

I feel like life is a paradox right now--in many ways! In our senior staff meeting the other day we were asked how we were doing. My honest response was "I don't know." I feel like in that question I need to qualify anything I say. "This was hard... but really good and I learned a lot through it." or "This is really exciting and fun... but I am terrified about what this means." etc.

I am the kind of person who prefers to have a sense of what is to come, as the seasons change in life (both literally and figuratively). I often say that I long for clarity in situations... and this season of my life is no different!! In the same book that I quoted above, Brennan Manning is explaining a conversation between Mother Teresa and another man. This man asks Mother Teresa to pray for him, to "Pray that [he] will have clarity." Mother Teresa flatly refused and said that clarity was the thing that he was clinging to and must let go of, that she has never had clarity herself, but she has had trust. "So I pray that you will trust God."

This was a much needed reminder last night as I was processing a desire for clarity and a need for trust in my life.

For who is God, but the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?--
the God who equipped me with strength
and made my way blameless.
He made my feet like the feet of a deer
and set me secure on the heights.
- Psalm 18:31-33

Love me for me?

Every week in our RA staff meeting someone shares a song. We have had quite the mix of meaningful songs, some that are fun, others that are just favourites! I really enjoy that part of our meeting. Amanda shared the song "Love Me" by JJ Heller. I had never heard it before, but I love it. Amanda explained that it is her hope for her floor, that they will love each other for who they are. This is a thought often on the forefront of my mind as I think about community and what it means to be transparent and vulnerable with one another--something I am so passionate about. Over and over I realize that transparency needs to be met with love, unconditionally. Below is the very end of the song. Click here if you want to see the rest of the lyrics.

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew


On a related note--I am so thankful! I absolutely LOVE what I get to do each day, from one-on-one's with RA's, to meetings with CLC, it is a blessing. I had the opportunity to spend some time with a Freshman and had a wonderful conversation with her. It was incredible to see her talk about her life and her relationship with the Lord and how deeply she is learning to love and experience community here at Wheaton. What an incredible blessing... it is a much needed reminder that what we do is really worth it!

in need of more days like these...

abide

“When your minds are in a holy, heavenly frame, your people are likely to partake of the fruits of it. Your prayers, and praises, and doctrine will be sweet and heavenly to them. They will likely feel when you have been much with God: that which is most on your hearts, is like to be most in their ears.”
Richard Baxter, The Reformed Pastor, p. 61

adventure fridays

I like my friends here in Wheaton. They are always up for an adventure and yesterday was coined "adventure friday." Debbie, Zach, Grant and I put our four bikes into or on Zach's car and we went to Blackwell Forrest Preserve and biked around. The weather was perfect, the leaves are just starting to change colour and it was great!

my butt hurts

So, I LOVE my new bike... but I think I ride it too much because my rear end is sore all the time! :-). Okay, okay... that's a bit of an exaggeration! Every time I get on my bike, I do secretly hope that eventually I will get used to the seat that was NOT made for my body, but deep down I know that I might have to swallow and spend the money on a new one!!

In other news.. my fish are still doing well. I secretly wish I didn't have them some days (mostly when I realize that I need to clean the water), but they provide entertainment. Grant (fellow GRA) is convinced that one of them is dying, but I think he's doing okay! They are both still eating like crazy, so that has to be a good sign, right?

My mom is coming to visit today! Her flight should be landing in a few minutes and my sister is coming on Thursday. I think I have a fun-filled week ahead of me... to the dismay of my school work! :-)

early mornings and pumpkin scones

This morning Jolene and I got up early and went to Starbucks at 7am all because the manager told us that the pumpkin scones would be in today... and that we should get there early because all the regulars were asking for them. So that we did, and to our dismay there were no pumpkin scones to be found. Last week I found a recipe online for the same scones and they were delicious--I guess I was just looking for the experience of the Grande Non-Fat Latte with a warmed pumpkin scone while sitting in Glen Ellyn watching all the commuters try to catch the Metra into Chicago.

The other sad thing is that Starbucks is not going to have the Pumpkin Cream Cheese muffin anymore this year (see below)--I guess they're trying to be all healthy by offering oatmeal and stuff. That will just have to be my next baking endeavour!




Ps. The fish have names... Aiden and Bennett. Aiden is the little one and Bennett is a bit of a bully--and they poop a TON. Who knew that more came out of fish then went in!

new roomate(s)

Meet my new two new roomates! I got these two lovely goldfish today and I was pretty excited about them. So far, they seem to be doing okay, although the larger one is a bit of a bully with the food. Anyone have any great name ideas??

my new bike!

This is my NEW bike! I love it... and yes it did come with the matching coffee tumbler... my kind of bike, eh?

doing the student thing

I have decided that I don't always do well at this whole student thing. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy going to class. I even enjoy doing the work that goes along with class... but there just aren't enough days in the week to get it all done, ESPECIALLY when I really enjoy hanging out with people!

My new hobby is riding my NEW bike around town. Today Grant (GRA counterpart) and I went for 12 miles around the Illinois Prairie Path. It was great but unfortunately it pooped me out and I had to come home and nap for a bit. Really, all I want to do these days is fly around on my bike. Last night us GRA's got together and decided to get ice cream for our on-duty GRA friends. Zach and I biked to the grocery store (whist getting yelled at by people in two separate cars, one yelling "get a car!" and Zach riding over a bottle and it shattering everywhere). Thankfully I have friends here that also enjoy bike riding, so I have some company when it comes time to my spontaneous bike adventures!

a year ago

I wrote this a year ago, and it is surprising to me how much it matches what I am feeling now!

"I have had a lot of good conversations today, but a lot of hard ones too. Some of them debating issues, others walking people through conflict and struggles. All of these conversations left me with the question of what does it mean to really come alongside other people? How do you really show people the love of Christ. It is such a monumental task, and yet simple at the same time. Monumental in the impact that it has, and in the issues that people are dealing with (that all of us are dealing with in one way or another). Simple in our role of loving, of being present, of just "doing life" together. If it IS simple, why is it so difficult? Why do we have such a hard time being present? Why is it so easy to come to conclusions, to try and "fix" whatever problems there are instead of guiding people, of walking with them?

The other part of this question for me is how do I come alongside someone when I myself am so stained? I am shoulder deep in the mire, barely able to keep my head above it! I am so thankful that the Lord uses uses us in the midst of it, that His grace covers it all."

staying put

I have been thinking this summer that this is the FIRST summer in 9 years that I am not in the midst of total transition. This fall marks the first fall since High School where I have not moved, begun at a new school, started a new job, etc. I am SO thankful to be staying put this fall.

Although there are a lot of NEW things in my life and a lot of transition happening within my job, there is a deep sense of familiarity this year. Although I am anticipating many surprises and un-expected things this year, I have a sense of what this year will hold. Walking into class last week for the first time and seeing all familiar faces was a blessing. I am realizing for the first time that I am not in the midst of transition... this is what it feels like to remain. I definitely could get used to this! :-)

Labour day really was the end of summer for me! I spent that day at the Wheaton Pool, where I spent MANY hours this summer. I was looking back and thinking about what I was most thankful for this summer. Here is a brief list describing my summer (and things I am thankful for):

1. Rest
2. Reflection
3. Visiting old friends in Philly
4. Boston
5. Getting lost in Connecticut
6. Bike riding
7. Jim's tour of Manchester, NH
8. Coming home
9. Lazy afternoons at the pool
10. New furniture!
11. New carpet!
12. Experimental cooking
13. Flowering trees
14. Sweet time with Michael and Terese before they moved
15. Grilling with Dan and Sarah
16. Bunnies
17. Sewing pillows
18. Taking care of a kitten
19. Memories of my puppy Mackenzie
20. Seeing my grandpa one more time
21. Seeing all of my cousins in one room (save one)
22. My good friend Josh is now a husband!
23. Movies in Grant Park
24. Walks to Starbucks
25. Garage sales
26. Heroes
27. Hiking at home
28. Seeing my dad's new home
29. Holding down the fort in Fischer
30. ACSD conference--seeing that others love to do this job too!
31. Meaningful conversations
32. Giant cupcakes
33. Celebrating my sister's 30th birthday
34. Flowers
35. Reading for fun
36. Painting
37. Breakfast at Egg'lectic
38. Swimming
39. Rob in New York
40. Red Kitchen Aid mixers
41. Toile
42. A clean apartment (and time to keep it that way)