Life of a pilgrim--learning to trust

"The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future. Why? Because God has signaled the movement and offered it his presence and promise." - Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust

I feel like life is a paradox right now--in many ways! In our senior staff meeting the other day we were asked how we were doing. My honest response was "I don't know." I feel like in that question I need to qualify anything I say. "This was hard... but really good and I learned a lot through it." or "This is really exciting and fun... but I am terrified about what this means." etc.

I am the kind of person who prefers to have a sense of what is to come, as the seasons change in life (both literally and figuratively). I often say that I long for clarity in situations... and this season of my life is no different!! In the same book that I quoted above, Brennan Manning is explaining a conversation between Mother Teresa and another man. This man asks Mother Teresa to pray for him, to "Pray that [he] will have clarity." Mother Teresa flatly refused and said that clarity was the thing that he was clinging to and must let go of, that she has never had clarity herself, but she has had trust. "So I pray that you will trust God."

This was a much needed reminder last night as I was processing a desire for clarity and a need for trust in my life.

For who is God, but the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?--
the God who equipped me with strength
and made my way blameless.
He made my feet like the feet of a deer
and set me secure on the heights.
- Psalm 18:31-33

Love me for me?

Every week in our RA staff meeting someone shares a song. We have had quite the mix of meaningful songs, some that are fun, others that are just favourites! I really enjoy that part of our meeting. Amanda shared the song "Love Me" by JJ Heller. I had never heard it before, but I love it. Amanda explained that it is her hope for her floor, that they will love each other for who they are. This is a thought often on the forefront of my mind as I think about community and what it means to be transparent and vulnerable with one another--something I am so passionate about. Over and over I realize that transparency needs to be met with love, unconditionally. Below is the very end of the song. Click here if you want to see the rest of the lyrics.

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew


On a related note--I am so thankful! I absolutely LOVE what I get to do each day, from one-on-one's with RA's, to meetings with CLC, it is a blessing. I had the opportunity to spend some time with a Freshman and had a wonderful conversation with her. It was incredible to see her talk about her life and her relationship with the Lord and how deeply she is learning to love and experience community here at Wheaton. What an incredible blessing... it is a much needed reminder that what we do is really worth it!

in need of more days like these...

abide

“When your minds are in a holy, heavenly frame, your people are likely to partake of the fruits of it. Your prayers, and praises, and doctrine will be sweet and heavenly to them. They will likely feel when you have been much with God: that which is most on your hearts, is like to be most in their ears.”
Richard Baxter, The Reformed Pastor, p. 61

adventure fridays

I like my friends here in Wheaton. They are always up for an adventure and yesterday was coined "adventure friday." Debbie, Zach, Grant and I put our four bikes into or on Zach's car and we went to Blackwell Forrest Preserve and biked around. The weather was perfect, the leaves are just starting to change colour and it was great!

my butt hurts

So, I LOVE my new bike... but I think I ride it too much because my rear end is sore all the time! :-). Okay, okay... that's a bit of an exaggeration! Every time I get on my bike, I do secretly hope that eventually I will get used to the seat that was NOT made for my body, but deep down I know that I might have to swallow and spend the money on a new one!!

In other news.. my fish are still doing well. I secretly wish I didn't have them some days (mostly when I realize that I need to clean the water), but they provide entertainment. Grant (fellow GRA) is convinced that one of them is dying, but I think he's doing okay! They are both still eating like crazy, so that has to be a good sign, right?

My mom is coming to visit today! Her flight should be landing in a few minutes and my sister is coming on Thursday. I think I have a fun-filled week ahead of me... to the dismay of my school work! :-)