"The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future. Why? Because God has signaled the movement and offered it his presence and promise." - Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust
I feel like life is a paradox right now--in many ways! In our senior staff meeting the other day we were asked how we were doing. My honest response was "I don't know." I feel like in that question I need to qualify anything I say. "This was hard... but really good and I learned a lot through it." or "This is really exciting and fun... but I am terrified about what this means." etc.
I am the kind of person who prefers to have a sense of what is to come, as the seasons change in life (both literally and figuratively). I often say that I long for clarity in situations... and this season of my life is no different!! In the same book that I quoted above, Brennan Manning is explaining a conversation between Mother Teresa and another man. This man asks Mother Teresa to pray for him, to "Pray that [he] will have clarity." Mother Teresa flatly refused and said that clarity was the thing that he was clinging to and must let go of, that she has never had clarity herself, but she has had trust. "So I pray that you will trust God."
This was a much needed reminder last night as I was processing a desire for clarity and a need for trust in my life.
For who is God, but the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?--
the God who equipped me with strength
and made my way blameless.
He made my feet like the feet of a deer
and set me secure on the heights.
- Psalm 18:31-33
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I don't know about you, but I thought this feeling of being neither here nor there, but somewhere in between, was one of those things that would eventually go away after I get rid of the China syndrome. But I've realized that since then, I've become some sort of a nomad -- a sojourner, if you will, always on the go, always moving away from the past, yet not sure what the "future" is, or when it will come.
Its strange how this feeling seems to hit those in their mid-20's. I think its called quarter-life crisis. Oh, I hope there is a more glorified term for this that will qualify it as being something normal.
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